oh hello. this is bananans. (that's a good thing).

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oh my head this is bananas. i'm so happy to be back. i'm spilling out of my head. so, i was having really really really vivid dreams for a few weeks. nothing too wierd or scary, just strange and different. more than usual. i was thinking how my new medicine was working really well and how it puts me in a place that i can start accepting reality more than i could before and in different ways. and this made me think that maybe i could, should start trying to accept me and my mad gifts as they're called 'round these parts.....but before i remembered those terms i was only just thinking how it feels nice to be me sometimes. and that's totally not something i EVER think.
then today i woke up and i'm not lying when i say this-i woke up and in my head i went "icarus project". i opened my eyes, flew to the computer (and by flew, i mean i moved really fast and swiftly), and went to the icarus project online. and i'm dead serious here, there was a post about boston having a meeting. i know this sounds incredulous, but its the truth. i imediately went into panic mode, but reassured myself and chilled out all day in effort to be calm and collected and promised myself to go. i even posted on the forum here so that i would have a public promise and a commitment (and was hoping for support!) to go.
and there's more, but i'm stopping for now so i can go to sleep. i want to be up early tomorrow to get a good start on my final final final projects for library school. i'm graduating in may and everything is due in two weeks. i just got a new fulltime job and i still have class two nights a week so this is a time when usually i would completey fall the fuck apart, so i'm staying with the moment, staying grounded.
oh, and don't let me binge on p.nut butter. (--->a little too late with that, but it was a small binge....its okay.) i didn't drink too much coffee...well only a little too much. this is improvement and i'm not kidding the fuk around. go me!
heart and soul...i fell in love with you -- heart AND soul.